*Warning- This entry contains a mildly graphic description of sex.*
This morning, July 28th 2007, was the first morning in my entire life I woke up not being a virgin. In all honesty is is a very strange feeling. A mixture of melancholy and content.Mike has been giving into my every wish and whim since yesterday. When I arrived we checked into the hotel, and it was very nice. I am a very lucky girl to have such a thoughtful boy. We went to this really cute Sushi place. I got this awesome spicy salmon and tempura shrimp sushi. It was phenomenal. Since I said I wanted chocolates for later that night, he bought me four of my favorite Godiva candies. Mike was even sweet enough to traveled to Philadelphia just so I could get the ice cream Sundae I wanted. While we were walking around after, it started to rain, so we headed back to the hotel. I was hoping to delay it, walk longer, but life seemed to have other plans for me.
I have never been so scared in my life. I actually insisted to Mike that he smelt, and to go take a shower, just so I could call and cry to Samantha. In all honesty he really didn't, I was just horrified. I climbed into the shower with him, hoping to chill out, but it did not help one bit. Once we were done showering together I had realized I had left the chocolates in the car, and him go get them. Secretly wishing he'd get hit by a car, so I would not have to make the decision myself. When the time came, I was sobbing, my hands covering my face. I have never felt such pain in my life. I felt as if someone was ripping my vagina open. The first time it went in, it hurt so much I had to have him stop. So, we chilled a little bit and watched television. Then I tried again, it still hurt tremendously, so bad I cannot even put this pain into words. I felt like my world was ending. But at least this time I was able to move a little bit with him, and get him off. The feeling of a man cumming inside you(he was wearing a condom, mind you), is really quit bizarre. You can feel the penis twitch and move inside you. In all honesty, only for two seconds did it feel remotely good. The rest was just this pain that I was praying would dull. I bled quit a bit. But he was as gentle and sweet as he could be. That is how, Tricia, Queen of the Virgins, lost her virginity.
After we went outside for a cigarette. We ended up chilling at the outside bar area for awhile, talking about frivolous things, watching drunkards do this and that. There was even this drunken man in a wheel chair smoking a cigarette. Another man asked him if he ever fucked a girl in the wheelchair, his response was, "The ladies go wild for it." That made my day. Then we went back to the room, watched tv, and I talked to Sam on the phone.
I keep going back and forth between two feelings. Sometimes I am content and happy. Despite the pain I felt, and the guilt I still feel. I feel closer to Mike some how. And I know he truly cares about me, and that he was the right guy and this was the right time. I don't regret it a single bit. Then there is the part of me, this is weirded out, and a bit disgusted....that I gave it up. As I said, I am in a weird place.
When we woke up, we took a shower, and actually intended on doing it again. But this morning I got my period. He is still catering to me, like I were a princess. I give him a hard time most of the time, but, he really is a treasure to me. I was given for some reason, a genuine, caring, sweet little Virgo. I hope, I do not screw this up.
Oh Jesus and Marychain:
