NO NUMBER NO NUMBER

This boy and I are in trouble. More trouble...if you asked me 48 hours ago, when I was in his arms talking about how much we cared for one another, I could have imagined. I love him more than anyone I ever loved. I call him my sunshine for a reason. Yet yesterday a hurricane equivalent to Katrina whipped into my life, leaving my life much like New Orleans.

Yesterday around 6:00 pm Michael called me back. I teased him like I normally do, this is not out of the ordinary for us. This time wasn't his normal laid back, "Oh Tricia...are you serious?" which he always gives me. It turned into an explosion that could not be walked away from.

Apparently Michael's entire family is against me, saying I am: no good, have lots of baggage, and I do not treat him correctly. Anyone who reads my blog knows how I adore Michael, and what high regards I hold him in. How I am basically just weird...how I play with toys, my bulimia, and my foul language. I guess they forget the time I cleaned their house, because their son was passed out drunk. I guess they forget that every weekend I drive their son around so he can get drunk. I guess they forget I calm Michael down on a regular basis and talk sense into him when he gets a bit too out of control. I guess they don't realize that I give him anything I have to give. I also guess they forgot to be nice to him, since on regular basis the people who are saying I treat him badly, call Michael a: failure, bitch, cunt, and other lovely things. These people who judge me, call each other awful curse words with such feeling and on such a regular basis it is repulsive. They are all so disgustingly self-centered and in apparent denial of their own treatment of each other, including Michael. All I ever hear is ME-ME-ME, what about ME. I tease Michael and I ask him to do things for me....what does that make me...a typical girlfriend?

Overall, these people need to look over their own problems before passing judgment on mine, since out of the lot of us(his family & I), I am the only one trying to make Michael happy, from what I've seen. I am not taking him for granted..just taking him as he is. Yet apparently.....because I am not disgustingly fake and pretend to be something I am not....they chastise me. I tease Michael and I do ask me to get things for me in his house...or to get my things when I don't want to lose my train of thought. Oh, I curse too. BTW, my curses are never directed towards people...maybe if you weren't so busy calling each other Dyke and bitch...you'd realize that. Hypocrite isn't a pretty color on anyone. If they, for some reason happen to read this, and get offended...I do apologize. But these are the observations of an outsider. And...isn't that what you did to me? Observed me from a distance and passed judgment...all I am doing is returning the favor.

I have the tendency to block out fights. Because they depress me to much to reflect on. But the gist of the entire experience is...I am an awful, bossy, foul mouthed, too-weird, too-eccentric girlfriend. Forget all the good things....since only appearances matter. If they appearance isn't pretty....what does it matter that the inside is good? That is what this entire situation taught me.

The worst part of this whole thing was Michael didn't believe me. Some how vomit or diarrheas ended up in the toilet, when I was at his home. I honestly have no idea how it got there. I, personally am a compulsive flusher and if I did throw up, I can promise you not a trace of it would have be left. Yet, Michael did not believe me when I said it wasn't me. What hurts about this, is I am always completely honest about my bulimia. If I throw up, I tell Michael. I have been trying to use him as a rock to kick my bad habit. I tell him everything. I tell him when I throw up....I have always been honest about when I threw up....why would I lie this time? I wouldn't, if I had vomited I would have been like..Yeah..I vomited. Sorry, I thought it flushed. I am not ashamed of my bulimia...I just don't like taking the wrap for something I didn't do. I ended up sobbing hysterically before Michael believed me. It's like..how can we have a relationship..without trust? I love Michael too much to lie to him...it was just totally disgusting. I am not saying anyone did that..I don't know who. Fuck it could have been matter that was blocking the drain for who-knows-how long. I don't get why it mattered so much. But it became an issue, and a catalyst to our huge fight.

Our fight went round and round for about two hours. Until we were both too exhausted to think straight. So..at the end of this..what was I? A liar, abusive, awful girlfriend.

Could this be from the man who told me this weekend, I brought happiness to his life? The same man who said I made his life fun?

Weird no? How views could change so quickly over night?

Well..thats what happened. I don't know what to do..because...I love Michael with my entire heart. He is my sunshine my dinosaur even...and him not being in my life is such a painful thought. But him being in my life is just as painful. Because he whether through the words of his family or on his own insulted my entire characters and way of doing things. It hurts so much, I have become numb at this point. Why could he have not waited until the 24th? When I had time to be heart broken? How can I move past this? How will I ever be able to trust him with my heart again?

BTW he admits he was in the wrong.